Yesterday my fears of things going horribly wrong again were reenforced. Humanity today looks like a weathered statue, eroded by years of folly, insanity and evil. In half a century, this world will look very alien to what it seems today. Those who know what I speak of, know what to fear. Those that don’t, won’t understand why their world fell apart. I fear that these experiments will bring ruin to all. I don’t fear that no one will be left. I fear that those that will be left, will mourn the loss of civilization. Now is not the time to run or hide. Now it is the time to act wisely and decisively.
Category Archives: Life
Yet Another Morning
I’m awake and terrified. OK, not terrified as in senseless shaking. No rather I take a look at my various todo lists, and my non-empty inbox, and that brings terror in the form of urgency. I guess I should be used to that already. In the past I just ignored tasks, like one ignores imperfections. But once you get them written down and place said list beside you… then they just sit there, glaring at you all gnarly and troll-like. And the question that comes down to which do I deal with first? GTD methodology says prioritize, assign to projects, delegate and so on. Easy to say, but tasks all look alike at times. And since I decided I wouldn’t sweep things under the rug, I wring my hands trying to deal with the underlying issue.
It was a busy weekend. Plants got planted. Allergic reactions came and went. Some attempts at cleaning house occurred. Some attempts proved more successful than others. I hope no one felt ignored. I rushed around but all my own work rested on the side. And as I look at the upcoming days, and the decisions, and the work… I feel exasperated. And I’m going to be a bit older, very, very soon also adds a bit more motivation to my work.
Fortunately, I feel upbeat and positive today. I realized yesterday that one of my anxieties proved unfound, and unlikely to occur. Dealing with this anxiety should bring much serenity, peace and calm into my life. This in turn will give me more energy and help me iron those last few wrinkles in my character. Sigh… Anyways I turn to watch the sun shimmer in the steel, grey sky and I know today will be a good day.
Heel Dragging
Oh man… today is one of those days. Not because it is a Friday. Not because that this weekend too looks busy. No. I just can’t seem to wake up and come with anything cohesive today. And yet I have a staggering amount of work to get done today. So everything feels a bit forced. Including this update. I’m really just dragging my heels today, because it feels like they couldn’t be bothered to get up today.
I still have a few e-mails to finish, and phone calls to make. And there goes my chair. Frack. Today will be a long day, with lots of things to setup and get right. But I just that things will kind of go my way today.
Upgraded to Yellow Stripe
A quick little update, cause I want to concentrate on my personal work today before the workday begins. Finally caught up on my immediate projects, and I can concentrate a bit more on my personal and professional development. Also I’ll crank out a good deal of writing and code in the next few days hopefully. Hence the brievity of my upcoming blogs. I need to reserve more time toward things other than blogging.
Speaking of personal development, yesterday I traded in my white belt for a yellow stripe in taekwondo. Keep in mind though, that in the past I’ve trained up to yellow belt. And I’m still some way before I can don on a black belt. But I’ll keep at as long as I don’t seriously injure myself.
Regret and Rejoice
Lets play a little game that I know call “Regret and Rejoice”. I regret not posting an update yesterday to my blog. I rejoice that this morning my mind thought cloudy and numb, is alert enough to come up with a post. I regret staying up so late, cause my mind is foggy now. Yet I rejoice since I overslept yesterday evening and still managed to perform most of the tasks I sat out for myself. Still, I regret not coming up with saner sleep/wake schedules that would avoid my crashing and sleeping at strange times. I should rejoice since I probably won’t have to think too much and maybe can reset my errant schedule today.
I regret that the first two pieces of news I heard of today is that of the anniversary of Tiananmen Square and the finding of debris of the recently disappeared jetliner. I rejoice that the Chinese enjoy more freedom today than before. I regret that the Chinese government still does evil to its society. I rejoice that in the West, we can talk freely about and remember the massacre. I regret that in China, no one seems to remember or care. I rejoice that parts of the plane were found in the ocean today. I regret that this story happened, I’d rather hear no such story and have all the parts of the plane and its passenger landed safely in their intended destination.
I rejoice that I can end this silly post now, and now will finally catch up on work yet not done.
Trekking through a Paintballed Wasteland
Wow, this weekend was a busy one. This week it looks like I have to start on those long term goals and not just talk about them. So I’ll keep the next couple of posts relatively short.
Friday
What better way to end the workweek and begin the weekend, but with friends. I went out with Rudy and Olga after work. The original plan of hanging out in Toronto somehow morphed into hanging out in Mississauga. We started off with dinner at Prince, a great Japanese restaurant near my work (I had lunch there too, for which the waitress gave me some grief for). Teriyaki made at the cooking table, drowned with sake. Yum! After that we wanted to catch a showing of the new Star Trek movie. But we needed to kill time first. So coffee and pastries at the Panera Bread bakery near SquareOne mall was in order. After that we all watched Star Trek. Now I’m not a big Star Trek fan. I watched a few of the movies and a bit of the series, but never religiously like I do with the Stargate series. The new Star Trek was definitely not very Trekky. The movie essentially boiled down to a science fiction action flick in the Star Trek universe. Fun, enjoyable and rather pointless. And to finish the night a slice of pizza and a nighttime stroll along Mississauga’s Lakeshore.
Saturday
Saturday turned out more relaxed. Got up late, played a round of volleyball and did some work around the house. Went to church in the evening, because my Sunday was already booked.
Sunday
Apres Saturday, the deluge. A deluge of paintballs flying in my general direction. A bunch of us VisionMAXers went up to Wasaga Paintball Park for a few rounds of paintball. The weather was cold, but warm enough for paintball. Having never done paintball, I thought I would do worse. However all those hours of FPS and archery paid off. The initial games saw me get shot early on (airplay attack & defence, Wild West and Tank Attack). As a scout/attacking player I naturally push up to engage my opponents. Which meant I drew fire first, while the rest of the team held back (as happened on Ridge Runner). But all this culminated in my taking out most of the enemy team in close quarters in one round of Blackhawk Town. Team work and cover fire enabled me to outflank the enemy. Once inside the fort, I made my way around the fort singling out and eliminating players. At the end of the round I wound up with my own collection of kills. 🙂 I ended the day with a suicidal charge in the last round. This may explain the large number of welts on my legs and hands 😀
After paintball, most of us grabbed a bite to eat at Wasaga Beach and headed home. A few minutes after I got home, I passed out in exhaustion. I’m just hoping that next weekend will be as fun as this weekend.
A Hacking Day
I look outside at the gloomy rain clouds. Strains of ambient forlorn music echoes in my ears. On one side of the laptop rests my mouse and smartphone. On the other, an empty coffee mug. And such the scene is set. I type these words. Today tingles with anticipation. The anticipation of work done, task accomplished. Each job, task, chore feels less like work and more like a puzzle, game, entertainment. I feel like I’m hacking, cracking, smashing the universe’s stack. Time for some fun. Today is a hacking day. Enjoy.
Weekends in Toronto, Weekdays on the Run
The sun is way up in the sky, already changed its colour four times (red, orange, yellow and now whitish yellow thanks to atmospheric effects on the light of a Class G star). I on the other hand, woke up, scrambled to get ready, drank a coffee and am trying to catch up. My life has become busy again. But in a good way for once. I’m too busy to occupy my mind with wandering thoughts or sad navel gazing. Instead I get to occupy myself with the sole goal of squeezing as much out of the time I have each day. And also making my life richer.
So where does the busyiness come from? From doing things and meeting people of course!
This Saturday after a round of volleyball and cutting the grass, I met up with Caroline in downtown Toronto. I didn’t realize that Toronto had its own Times Square-like square. I’m talking about the Younge and Dundas Square. While it has a less than original name, it is just as busy as its New York counterpart. People milling about, large screens flashing ads, street musicians playing, et cetera. I rushed into the square when I got there, expecting to be the one to be late. However as usual, Caroline arrived fashionably late so I didn’t need to apologize. 😀
After a round of mango bubble tea and some computer shopping, we went to watch Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Now I’m not a huge fan of chick flicks. But this one movie was pretty good. In essence a Christmas Carole-style plot about a “player” who has to get in touch with his feelings, the realization of how many ladies he hurt in his long line of escapades and maybe come to grips with the person who really loves him. Anyways I won’t say more to not ruin the plot for those who haven’t seen it. I enjoyed it.
After the movie, I lost and found my cellphone. Duh! And we went out for dinner at the Richtree. Good food, interesting concept, and of course wonderful company. And we ended the day with almost-midnight tea. Thanks Caroline.
Yesterday was a busy day of yard and kitchen work oddly enough. And so while I needed to reply to a bunch of e-mails, and get some other work done… I simply fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. So today I must deal with my inbox, finish some unfinished business and get around to dealing with my more long term projects. Ok, so I’m off now… later this week I have a few events planned, and I need to plan some more. So while I’m busy, I’m happy to be rid of those quiet, relatively uneventful days.
Running Along the Mirror’s Edge
I apologize for not posting anything yesterday. For once I could not write anything useful, incitiful or positive. So I decided not to write. Or rather my inaction made it so I didn’t.
Today is different. Emotions now ran their course. Tranquility.
This morning I decided to try something different. I bought a copy of Mirror’s Edge a while ago. However life and other things took precedence, while gaming took an aside. Also when I originally first started the game, I turned up the graphics. This reduced the performance and made the game less response and harder to play. An interesting level difficulty mechanic you say. Still I put off playing for a while.
Today I turned down the visual effects and graphics. And I started playing. Now I know why I fell in love at first sight with this game. Atmosphere. Ambience. While at first the screen effects seemed odd, once the action really started, it all made sense. I stopped being Dorian sitting in front of a laptop. I was Faith. A Runner in city just running, trying to survive as the odds stacked against. Running from the assaults of men chasing a girl whose only crime was her being there.
It is a beautiful story. And one that strikes accord with me. Everyday the city, the world I live in slowly slips ambilavence to an easy life. While men with evil intensions destroy civilization and society for their own selfish gain. And yet for all that I know, I can do very little. So I too run. And yet this reality is not a dream. It is real.
Your Shipment of Fail Has Arrived
Today I am producing and delivery shipments of fail. Late, missing meetings, missing the point, having to reschedule due to my perception of time (or the lack of more accurately) et cetera. I have exceeded my expectations of how absent minded one can be. So apologies to everyone. Today is not going according to any well thought out plan. I am just hoping I can clean up my act and start thinking straight today.
Today I am thankful that my coworkers are patient and understanding. And I am really glad that the project at work is going forward. Even when one of the team member clearly suffering from two left clown feet syndrome.
The rest of the universe is in working better than I am. Cisco gave up trying to irritate the FSF. My favourite free software projects are still there and churning out wonderous code. The Tamil Tigers and their civil war may start to fade into the annals of history. The markets refuse to stop irritating the interventionsit governments. Today more than yesterday looks toward a brighter, saner future. Either that or I finally lost it and am a hopeless optimist even when I myself is not up to par.