Yesterday my fears of things going horribly wrong again were reenforced. Humanity today looks like a weathered statue, eroded by years of folly, insanity and evil. In half a century, this world will look very alien to what it seems today. Those who know what I speak of, know what to fear. Those that don’t, won’t understand why their world fell apart. I fear that these experiments will bring ruin to all. I don’t fear that no one will be left. I fear that those that will be left, will mourn the loss of civilization. Now is not the time to run or hide. Now it is the time to act wisely and decisively.
Category Archives: Philosophy
Running Along the Mirror’s Edge
I apologize for not posting anything yesterday. For once I could not write anything useful, incitiful or positive. So I decided not to write. Or rather my inaction made it so I didn’t.
Today is different. Emotions now ran their course. Tranquility.
This morning I decided to try something different. I bought a copy of Mirror’s Edge a while ago. However life and other things took precedence, while gaming took an aside. Also when I originally first started the game, I turned up the graphics. This reduced the performance and made the game less response and harder to play. An interesting level difficulty mechanic you say. Still I put off playing for a while.
Today I turned down the visual effects and graphics. And I started playing. Now I know why I fell in love at first sight with this game. Atmosphere. Ambience. While at first the screen effects seemed odd, once the action really started, it all made sense. I stopped being Dorian sitting in front of a laptop. I was Faith. A Runner in city just running, trying to survive as the odds stacked against. Running from the assaults of men chasing a girl whose only crime was her being there.
It is a beautiful story. And one that strikes accord with me. Everyday the city, the world I live in slowly slips ambilavence to an easy life. While men with evil intensions destroy civilization and society for their own selfish gain. And yet for all that I know, I can do very little. So I too run. And yet this reality is not a dream. It is real.
Your Shipment of Fail Has Arrived
Today I am producing and delivery shipments of fail. Late, missing meetings, missing the point, having to reschedule due to my perception of time (or the lack of more accurately) et cetera. I have exceeded my expectations of how absent minded one can be. So apologies to everyone. Today is not going according to any well thought out plan. I am just hoping I can clean up my act and start thinking straight today.
Today I am thankful that my coworkers are patient and understanding. And I am really glad that the project at work is going forward. Even when one of the team member clearly suffering from two left clown feet syndrome.
The rest of the universe is in working better than I am. Cisco gave up trying to irritate the FSF. My favourite free software projects are still there and churning out wonderous code. The Tamil Tigers and their civil war may start to fade into the annals of history. The markets refuse to stop irritating the interventionsit governments. Today more than yesterday looks toward a brighter, saner future. Either that or I finally lost it and am a hopeless optimist even when I myself is not up to par.
The Challenging Trek Ahead
For lack of a better use of time before work starts, I am blogging. Or rather I am trying to wake up and be alert for the day ahead. Coffee helped revive some of dead nerves. Writing hopefully will get me thinking in a coherent fashion. I have to do this because I have a full day ahead of me.
I’ve reading a lot lately. A good amount of my reading now comes from self-help books. I’ve done a lot of digging into my own life and character. Trying to enhance the parts I and others like. Also trying to change the parts cause discord, trouble and pain. Now that I know that S. will most likely move on, I have to work on myself. So that the next time I meet someone special like S., I’ll be ready for them. This not to say that I can get just move on and feel nothing. Rather I’m getting the impression that I’m being gently nudged in that direction. Reading said books and applying them to my life is not quite all that fun. While I don’t mind challenging myself, I do mind digging around for problems, prancing them out into the light and slaying them. It feels a lot like setting your own bones without anaesthetic. But has to be done. I have a long way to go before I can be truly satisfied with myself.
Looking forward at today, I feel like I’m starting up on a long climb. Today I feel like I will climb a Mount Kilimanjaro of tasks. I feel tired already, but I feel ready to make the long trek. I could iterate my work today to you. In the end I will just be pushing forward on all fronts.
Echo: Good Little Girl Syndrome
In response to Marika’s post:
Hmm… ok my opinion might not be the most popular but since you asked.
Women are women. Men are men. They are built differently, so why shouldn’t they act, interact and work differently? I’m not endorsing sexist division of any form here. I firmly believe that every individual should be treated with respect and dignity. Note, EVERY individual, no exceptions, no compromises.
What many feminist ask women to do is to throw away their feminine attributes and embrace masculinity. Then what do you have, a man living inside a women’s body? If that sounds wrong, then it should. Cause it is. There is nothing wrong with the feminine/motherly attributes of caring and nurturing. Men really suck at this. We are better aggressive pursuits, endurance, etc. And that is good too. As a race, we need a balance of attributes to make sure we survive in the face of changing conditions.
As for your question for women in business… If you ever read Guy Kawasaki’s The Art of the Start, he devotes a note specialled aimed at men wanted to start their own business. He writes, that if you are a guy and you come up with a business plan you should discuss with a women. You see society in general frowns on men’s urge to kill stuff. Except in terms of business. Tell a guy, this new business will kill Google or Ford or Motorola or <insert name of successful business here>, and he’ll say it is a good idea. But that is not the point of business. The point of business is to provide a product or service that someone values enough to they want to give up a portion of their earnings to get said product or service. So bringing your idea to a woman will get that insight, whether your idea is a sane business plan.
A woman’s contributions thanks to her feminine attributes doesn’t end there. Want someone to manage the day to day and juggle tasks effectively? Sorry, but not a gent’s strong point. Want someone to nurture good relationships with a client as a person and not as the next “kill”? Thats right, ladies you are better at that. Want someone to point out that your product is going to be used by a person? You get the idea. Women do bring a lot to the table in business. An enlightened businessman (whether the person is a man or a woman is irrevlant, I just hate using politically correct wording) will recognize this, and engage with working with men and women according to their individual skills, talents and attributes.
Now I understand the concern, that higher up men usually dominate. But it is also a very competitive and aggressive environment up there in the CXO world. Most women would not want to engage in overtly aggressive activities. But CXOs have to get out there and compete hard with others. Those are simply the attributes of the job. And hence the illusion of a glass ceiling for women in business forms in people’s heads. The uncomfortable truth is that most guys don’t mind if a women does work in CXO positions. In fact, they look up to those ladies who can tolerate the aggressive driving nature of upper level business. The other uncomfortable truth is most women dislike or operate worse in these kinds of environments. Not to say that no woman should be a CXO. Some thrive in this environment and good for them! Every individual needs to be considered on a case-by-case basis. But in general, there are fewer women in CXO positions. Also there are many stories about women getting to the upper levels, and then realizing that kind of work didn’t suit them.
So it is not that women can not be successful in business. It is justsuccess must be measured not only in terms of salary and paid benefits. Success comes when a person feels like they are fulfilled in life. When a person feels whole and everything is in balance, that is success. Repressing your nature just for a higher position is not a sign of success. It is a rather an admission of failure to accepting oneself. That is why I think that your coworker’s thoughts are downright derogatory and demeaning. It does the opposite of its intent. It looks down at feminine nature as weaker than masculine. And is a blantant lie. Feminine nature is different than masculine nature. Different not worse or better.
An Empty Day
I’ve been waiting for one of these days for a long time. This is the kind of day, where you ask. “So what should I do?” And the world answers, “Whatever you’d like.” I plan on calling such days “empty days”.
An empty day is not really empty. Rather these days act just like the “empty” objects in Strugatsky’s book, the Roadside Picnic. An empty in the book simply consisted of two metallic cones stuck by their bases. But their bases weren’t actually connected. Rather an empty bit of space remained inbetween. No matter what was done to an empty, you couldn’t separate the cones or push them together. The book starts when the protagonist takes a scientist to retrieve a “full empty”. An empty with something inbetween the two cones.
So today is much like an empty. Yesterday and tomorrow firmly cling to today. But since no activity defines or guides my actions today, today is empty. And I plan on making it a full day. I plan on doing this mostly by picking at little tasks here and there. Improving my lot in life, progressing forward. That sort of stuff. I wonder if more of my days could be like this. Or they all like this, and I just notice this once in a while. Hmm…
Coping with Disappointment
Disappointments turn up everyday. Sometimes it can be personal like a lost love, a deathly sick relative, a bad business decision or any kind of personal loss. If you run out personal worries, the newspaper will happily provide more: war, crime, job losses, a bad economy, overzealous governments, et cetera ad nauseum. At times it can seem overwhelming.
Disappointments and worries form a good chunk of our days. And yet life goes on. We can not just give up, curl up in a ball and beg for sweet, sweet death. How else could improve our lot in life, ourselves and care for our loved ones? We simply must cope.
I do not claim to be any kind of expert in dealing with these issues. I recommend reading Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, as a good starting point. I can just say what works for me.
Writing works wonders in terms of self-therapy and self-discovery. Guy Allen, my writing professor recommended writing 20 minutes of just sheer writing about everything and nothing. It gets things off your chest. Dale Carnegie also recommends prayer or meditation. This lets you reflect and in the case of prayer ask for help in coping. Finally work and exercise. Work to keep your mind off things, and to help to see yourself as a productive person. Ever wonder why I talk about work and hobbies so often? And exercise keeps you fit, healthy and again lets you live in the moment. Embracing the moment and savouring it, helps one lead a full, happy and prosperous life.
Patience and the Art of the Tortoise
Observing nature teaches us many things. This week I look towards the stone tortoise for inspiration.
On my last trip to Poland, one of my mother’s university friends gave me a farewell gift. She gave me a tiny red stone tortoise statue, to keep on my desk and to inspire me. She said it should inspire me, to slow down and take life without worrying about what to do next. Be slow, consistent but persistent. That ancient wise man, Aesop, spoke of how the tortoise and not the hare won the race. Things would work out in the end, she said.
Be slow, consistent but persistent. Haste caused and still causes much pain and turmoil in my life. Taking life slow is a tall order for someone like me. I ran before I walked. I climbed before I knew how to sit. Little wonder that my ambitions and quick reactions caused more grief than slow, quiet and patient actions. I try to be patient. But ambition gets the better of me. I want to write the perfect novel, now! I want to excel in programming, now! I want to change the world for better, and I want to change it now. I want it all. And I’d like it now. A foolish notion, but tell that to a hotheaded fool such as myself. Patience. With patience, all good things will come in their good time when all is ready. I just need to learn to be far more patient than I am now.
The stone tortoise I keep either on my desk or in a desk drawer. I plan to keep it beside the glass inkshuk statue, a symbol of the human interdependence. Just to remind me, to slow down my hectic pace. Time resolves many issues. Time clears up many uncertainties. Time heals hurts that no doctor could hope to heal. So I enarmour myself in patience and wait. Let time pass. Let things come to pass. All will be clear, simple and good in good time.
Drained
I just read Marika’s blog on hunger. And I felt compelled to blog something in return. But today I draw a blank. Yesterday drained the life and will out of me. Not complaining, since it was all my invention and doing. Still the fact remains, I feel drained and without will. And life feels greyer than it did before.
Today will be another cold snowy day. Spring came by smiled and then winter came back with a vengence. My limbs are still cold from standing outside for the bus. I can now appreciate those early morning commutes, in a warm car. Yes I got into the office really early. But I miss the car now, and I didn’t appreciate it when it is no longer there.
Funny how people (at least I think) don’t notice those good things and good people, until you sense their absence. We miss the light when it is dark. The warm when it is cold. Food when hunger strikes. A comforting voice when there is none. Yet when all is well, one can take things for granted. Obviously not all people think like that, some are enlightened enough to know and not have to experience.
I should get back to bed and pretend to sleep. After my pretend sleep, I will pretend to get up and live as a normal person. You know the routine, get up, eat breakfast, wash up, dress, commute to work, work, return home, rest or work at home, sleep. I’ll pretend to smile and be happy. For the sake of the illusion of normality. No one really like things out of the ordinary. No wants to deal with the uncomfortable and inconvenient. So one pretends it is not there. If you are talented, you can pretend that you are alive and awake. But you are just sleepwalking.
Today is an exercise in futility. Just another sleepwalking existence, followed by bouts of regret and insomnia.
[This post is modern art in writing form. It was not supposed to make sense.]
Why I Like Free Software and Freedom
Adding freedom to software is a great business tactic. It gives back control to the customer, who now becomes not just another faceless entity to pilfer. Now the customer becomes a client, a person with real goals, ambitions and needs. And libre software/open source is a guarantee to serve those needs. But it need not end with software…
The concept of freedom built-in can take things to new heights. As with Flat World Knowledge. They make open/free textbooks for colleges. It is about creating better products, cheaper, available to more people and using less resources. The brilliance of commoditization, and giving a free hand to your customer. And ultimately empowering people and improving the lot of the human race.
It is this idea of freedom and empowerment, that keeps me totting the freedom flag and contributing to the libre software.