I sat today and wondered about the infinite variations of life, possibilities and their outcomes.  This time I didn’t think about the standard what-if things happened this way or that in the past.  Looking back into the past beyond analysing and preventing mistakes or repeating successes is pointless.  A variation in a single event can produce an uncountably infinite number of possible future outcomes.  The human brain can not process such amounts.  It also can not foresee or keep track of all the effects of how something might change.

The future is equally unknowable.  Here at least we have the ability to shape the future by actions in the present or near future.  And seem to have fallen into the trap of musing which path I should take.  Now I am not on the crossroads between choosing where life can go.  But there are certain possibilities that might arise in the near future.  The question arises which of these possibilities are likelyest.  And how much positive and negative change can different decisions take.  I’m trying to avoid the obvious problems that: a) the future is unknowable, b) many events and circumstances may arise that I will no or little control over, c) an uncountable infinite number of “future”s are possible by varying any event or circumstance, d) many possibilities relie on the decisions of people whose actions may be predictable but not entirely.

After reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, I stopped worrying too much about the future and things beyond my control.  The future looks grim at times, better at others.  I try to stay positive.  But I question how much effort of my own will influence my lot.  In past ages, before the chaos of magical economic thinking and social utopian governments, this calculation could be greatly simplified.  Today however, the amount of influence I have over my life and my actions seems to contract at every moment.  With the future looking grim, this realization makes me want to skirm.  But skirming inside your own skin never accomplished much.

Instead I sit and attempt to calculate what events I can initiate on my end.  The most frustrating part of these calculations is that result in events that arise in 3 categories.  The first being a change of circumstance arising from a lot of work, time and effort.  These while in my control, are problematic in that the future value of said work is unknowable and the present value is simply nothing more than that of a pasttime.  The second category stems from interesting propositions.  I have several of these in various aspects of my life.  But in the past when I pursued said propositions, nothing arose from them.  I must simply wait and see.  The last category are changes that are so wildly unpredictable, I barely can foresee the results.  Example if I were to move to say, another continent, there would be a huge number of possibilities.  Things would change.  The question remains for the better or worse.

So I sit and brood over this and that.  The events, environments and results fluctuate wildly in my mind.  But I wonder if any of this mental gymnastics will produce anything of substance.  I also wonder if someone has already not conceived of some mental framework to simplify such analysis…