I look outside from my 6th floor office window.  Out there I can see a sunny blue sky, blocky office buildings and grey-white jetliners landing at the nearby airport.  I can almost feel the warmth outside.  I remember the warmth, that I felt while sitting with coworkers outside all of us enjoying a delicious, spicy Arabic lunch.  Delicious.  And totally inappropriate for me, since I try to avoid eating meat on Fridays.  I know that this usually applies to Lent only.  But I’m a traditionalist, and I do these odd little things to remember.  In the case of Fridays I try to remember the sacrifices of God undertook one Good Friday for humanity.

I also like to not eat too much.  The feeling of hunger makes eating so much more pleasurable.  But it also reminds to think about those less fortunate.  Not everyone can go and buy food when they feel hungry.  Not everyone has the option of not going through the day on an empty belly.  There is much to be thankful for.  I wish I could remember all the other things I could be thankful for.

At work I have gained an unfortunate reputation of being contrairian.  I mean yes, there are ways I would do things that would make my life easier, simpler and more productive.  But I guess I complained once too often.  I should of been more thankful that I work where I work.  I work with wonderful people.  I work in the profession I want to work in.  Fear of losing my job tomorrow is less likely than in other companies.  I am grateful.  I just complain of the things that cause stress for me.  I try not to point out all the things that are wrong.  But I must start sounding more positive.  I really should.  I just hate it when I feel stressed.  Stress does not bring out the best in me unlike with some people.  And I absolutely hate it when stress comes in from up and above my control.

I am happy that my friend Marika hopefully will start upon her dream job of working as a freelancer.  She works hard, and does a great job as both a writer and an editor.  I know, I went to class with her.  I read her articles, she read mine.  I learned from her, and her work inspired me to push myself.  I feel a tinge of jealousy though.  Freelancing sounds like a great gig.  A lot of freedom comes with the territory.  I sometimes wish I could go upon such a path.  Maybe one day I will.

A little while later…

It is becoming a rainy day.  Oh well…  Fun going back home.  Interesting little thought, everyday I try working on my wish list.   Sometimes I feel like I managed to go work toward obtaining my wishes.  Sometimes I can’t be too sure.  This back and forth nature is something I have yet to come in terms with.  Still I want to write.  Still I want to learn to code Qt apps.  Still I want to live like an ordinary Canadian adult (I’m not sure what ordinary means… I guess that is a debateable definition).  Still I want my projects to succeed.  I wonder if I’ll be able to achieve all this stuff.  Or is this even up to me?