In Search of Sanity and Coffee

I slept in today. Yesterday turned out too crazy for even me. I started off the day with a single plan: catchup. So what did I do? I wrestled with Kontact to work with my Palm. I decided to fix things… by backing up and wiping out my old KDE settings. The wipe out worked, and the backup not so much. That is the way I started my day.

Next, I “chilled” out by blogging and trying not to freak out about the loss of all my emails, contacts, and pretty much everything else.

Audio Docs class followed, and a changing of groups. My group remained the same with Rob, Masha and Amanda (a totally unrelated new Amanda), and a new girl joined our group whose name I forgot. I got randomly picked to record a sound on campus. Fortunately my partner finished 3 years in radio, worked in the CBC and confidently recorded everything. I helped “assemble” the mini-Disc recorder. And I held the bag. And provided conversation. Yes, I am hopeless.

In my absence, my group decided upon on using my idea (my obsession with Ewa) for the documentary project. Apparently the prof used my story as an example, and my group understood it as good. Rob started writing up the script, Masha organizing the project, and Amanda helping Rob. Yes, I feel touched with their decision, but the whole thing just started so spontaneously. Anyways, I promised to contact everyone, as soon as I got my email back.

I asked Masha about meeting up after class, but she said she had work. I then bumped into Kat, and asked her for coffee after 4. She said maybe, as I should of expected. Next I ran off to my cryptograph7 class.

Professor Charles Rackoff had already begun explaining to the class, why Max’s idea of a project on quantum cryptography did not work for the class. Basically, he did not want us dealing with physics especially when the class dealt with “classical” cryptography. Max’s second idea of hard drive cryptography sounds better. I got assigned the task of looking up on it. Cute.

Charles then quizzed us on the “obvious” and beautiful definition of pseudorandom number generators. I am starting to comprehend it, and the rest of the course seems to follow suit. Now I understand the theory, but I can not see myself thinking in pure theoretical-mathematical terms. My cavemen mind can understand art, writing and programming. My learning of mathematics is similar to my learning of dating. Me thinks me thick-skulled.

After class I met up with Kat, who passed up my offer for coffee, free lunch and a pleasant chat with old soup. Yes that is right. She preferred to go home and eat old soup instead of my company. I passed by Masha again, and foolishly proposed coffee after she finished work. She works at one of part of the university. Proposal refused politely and with tact. And not over lame, old soup.

My day ended with Rudy and company working on the average run time of algorithms. Algorithms and statistics are even lower down my mental understanding than cryptographic theory. And I just passed the algorithms course (probably out of the kindness of my prof), and never ventured back into that neck of the woods. So I tried helping Rudy’s group, even going off to figure out combinatorics. I re-learned that part, but still was mostly useless. Eventually, Rudy decided to end my suffering, and go home.

Went home, eat dinner and crashed into bed. Depressing dreams of living in a dystopian universe followed. I ventured out of bed late morning. Watched some old BBC Narnia stuff, cleaned around the house, and now in the process of resurrecting Kontact. Next I must undertake the task, of catching up two lost days and tons of homework.

I guess this puts off my writing my first epic scifi novel, and my blockbuster game. Tomorrow promises to keep me busy, until late night today. Yummy.

Groogy Weather, Groggy Me

Greetings again, and sorry about missing two day of updates. Dealing with stress, putting up with administrative nonsense, writing assignments, attempting to dance around illness and living with the sudden wacky cold-wet weather, puts me in a mood where I rather not even poke my nose from under the blanket. On the bright side, everything is falling into place.

The instructors of two of my course, kindly set the hand-in date for my course work until December 20. That gives me some breathing room, and lets me concentrate on the three assignments due on Friday. Next week I get to study for exams and work on the later assignments.

Carmen Hung, the new leader of our CSC454 or Business of Computing, handled getting everyone to work on the last assignment wonderfully. The paper still in the works, weighs in currently at a hefty 41 pages, and 24% of our term work. The business plan is coming along, not as fast as I wanted it. Still no complaints, as yesterday I came home late and crashed. I spent this entire morning getting over my tiredness “hangover”. When I finish blogging this entry, I will stock up on caffeine again.

Katarina Halan, classroom friend and almost my girlfriend, let me work with her on the CSC347 or Information Security assignment. We spent about 16 hrs on Sunday working only on the assignment. After hours of hacking, half-working and actual coding we finished the assignment. Thanks Kat for yesterday’s coffee “date”. Sorry about the Tim Horton’s coffee, next time I will buy some good coffee from Second Cup instead.

My last assignment after the “Business” course, deals with the unfortunate CCT209 Foundations of Research course. I am so behind in that course, it stopped being funny months ago. My group started on Monday, but since my e-mail to them, I saw no work. I guess I have to juggle this assignment and writing the business plan. Bother. Guys, you better get on the ball soon.

As for my open source project and my other blog, One-Time Trash Pad both I place on hold until I meet Friday’s deadline. I have too much at stake to deal with any side projects. If I don’t update this blog anytime before December 20, please do not be surprised. I will try my best, but no promises.

Until then wish me luck. I need all the luck I to overcome the stress, the weather and my own sluggishness.

Easter… and Life After School

Happy Easter! I would say more, but it seems awkward. I’m try not to flow all over the place with emotions if I can (Yeah, whatever dude one glance at your blog is like listening to a emo-kid.), and so… If you are not the religious type, I hope you enjoy your time off and that one day you find the meaning for life. If you are religious, I hope you find the way for a peace-filled, prosperous and happy life. If you are Christian (just like me bro…) well we already know about God and Jesus, and how cool He is, and is love… in that case may He bless you and keep you this coming year. After all Easter is about His undying love for humanity. (And if you feel awkward, and are looking at me awkward, then go read G.K. Chesterton’s Orthodoxy. And stop looking at me that way.)

This Easter was a time of contemplation, self-reflection (Hey, its dark and empty in here!) and a soul-washing. Needless to say, after some scowling from my folks for past wrongs, an awkward confession with a priest, and some quality sulking (And depression) I feel much more empowered and tranquil. I know exactly what I need to do and how about dealing with my issues. So I’m in a bit of zen-like state. Only its not Zen, Buddism or anything resembling an Eastern philosophy. Nope, it good ole’ bible thumping (As if he reads the Holy Scripture.) Christianity. Now if only I could stop feeding myself on cake, and bouncing of the walls long enough to actually, like concentrate on prayer and stuff…

Its been 6 days since the last day of classes, and 5 since my last assignments. I feel very, very relaxed by those thoughts. I mean I just have 3 exams to deal with and then I will be done by Computer Science major. I’m debating whether or not to do either a major in Biology or a specialist in Bioinformatics or just finish university already. I’m leaning toward bioinformatics though… cause micro/cellular is flipping cool.

I actually have done work since my last post. I’m so impressed. I am productive, things are getting done, and my boss (and good friend) Keith is no longer unimpressed. I just need to keep this up. I got a unique job at my previous employer. Its not a development position, rather an office-rat job but I can try my wings at living/working in an office. Fortunately I already am familiar with the people I will be working with/under, so I will feel like a pea-in-a-pod. Awesome. I am thinking of getting a future job as a part developer/specialist in biology. I think that a synergy of biology, informatics, cybernetics and engineering will happen real soon in the future. I want to be part of it. Either that or get a job at NASA as a mission specialist/drone consultant. 😉

OK, this being my last semester of computing, programming has reached the natural and normal peak of being enjoyable work. I’m no longer obsessed by coding, yet I am still willing to develop useful applications as a hobby. I final realized what I thought was unobtainable. I’m competent in a number of languages, both ordinary and exotic. I can develop complex applications in the fields of Web, Internet, database, graphics and entertainment programming. I can think methodically, in a mathematical manner. I’m organized enough handle various styles of development. However, I still think my talents in biology, and communication could definitely use some work. And my personal and business skills need some polishing.

Talking about personal skills, I’ve picked up some tips and hints about dating. Definitely want to try those out sometime. I may not be a Don Juan (yet), but I think I have enough charm to keep a girl distracted long enough that she might tag along with me. (My calmer and less clingy self has gotten more looks, even from Kat… which she will deny to no end.)

In other news… Rudy wrecked his old Saturn and recently bought a “newer” Saturn wagon. Now the questions are has he learned his lesson (turned over car and upset but mostly unhurt friends inside) about “racing”, will those 6 demerit points make him a cooler headed driver, and how long will his new set of wheels live? My friends are begging me to enroll in a summer course with them, cause I would be ever so cool to be with. My financial outlook is looking very good, meaning I’m seriously looking into getting a car and pay for the insurance myself. I’m going to triumphantly return back to developing one of my started open source projects. Also plans are underway to finally write one or two novels this summer. So things should get interesting very, VERY soon.

Finally a shout to shaka0070. Thanks for telling me about Content-Type.com I will definitely take a look at that site. And thanks for reading! Now I got to run, I need to prepare for tomorrows’ Operating Systems exams. [Dramatic music.]

To be continued…

Mayan Nightmares and Lazy Dreams

Yesterday was both a rather eventful and uneventful day simultaneously. I did not get much done, but instead I had a pleasant chat with Mike. The usual science fiction, writing, and social issues chat, which I enjoyed greatly. I think I might have come off as conservative, hardhead… and there is nothing wrong with that. We discussed everything from the state of fiction, the state of states, and just other random stuff. Anyhow, this chat was a welcome change in mood for me. Earlier that day I tried to catch the attention of Katarina, and while for a moment I thought I had gained some ground. Then it died off again… oh well. Rudy told me to let her go, but she is only person I can actually practise on. No I am not the person to just go up, and serendipitously ask ladies out. Anyways, talking with Mike cleared my head of those thoughts. I actually want to go off and write a novel now too. (Alas time where are you?)

From the university scene, the requirements engineering assignment is due this Friday. No I have not really worked at it, and I am not motivated to do extremely well on it. I will probably end up staying up tonight to do it. Databases nothing exciting happened. We finally got our assignment for visual computing. One of the parts we have to do a 30 min. short animation in Maya. Not too impressed since I have to use the Personal Learning Edition to do this. I am familiar with Blender, and would rather use it. I stayed up yesterday figuring out a way to use Blender and final work in Maya. Alas, the PE version does not have a 3DS plugin, and Blender does not yet support Alias’ FBX format. A real shame. The only positive light to all of this was, the fact that I can still make my models in Wings3D. That is good… unfortunately I still have to learn how to use Maya PLE. I have not decided upon an animation as of yet either.

Finally I actually did some Datasphere yesterday. Not a gigantic amount, but still it is progress. I will do the bulk of my task today. The rest of the time I will delegate to the 340 requirements report. I will have to continue reorganization first, before I get serious with any other work. In the gaming universe, I killed my first Yeti yesterday in Kingdom of Loathing. Then I noticed the Bounty for Yeti and Penguin fur… and I went nuts. I am proud of being able to level up, and to increase my meat amount by 100% in one day. 😉 Now I will probably continue with one quest, and level up so that Yeti hunting is a single strike issue. After that I am planning to open up a store, and upgrade the clan with the gained meat.

Other all I am feeling in good spirits, but extraordinarly tired. I assume that my writing shows this. Anyways, I have to run off to do some chores, and work on all this stuff.

Putting the Edge Back into My Sword

He ran softly down the tunnel, morningstar sword in hand. The passageway in the caves had begun to twist in a myriad of directions. He stopped to listen for the monster’s footsteps. A few days earlier while exploring the cave system, he had stumbled across an orc patrol. He then smote the first one that got in to this path. Apparently that one was the orchish commander’s lieutentant. Oops. Now there he was the great Adventurer… hunted like a rat by an entire orcish army.

You know those days that you feel like our Adventurer? Well it seems that this month has given me nothing but those kinds of days. Yeah those days. Sort of like perpetual Mondays. 😉

Course work and midterms backed up on me so much, that I had to drop my philosophy course. Did not really like anyways… but I sure hell could you the money. Also I must admit that I have fallen behind in Datasphere work. I was hoping to catch up on that this week, unfortunately I stumbled across my own orchish army. In my case, it was the departure of my laptop’s late chipset. Yup. My chipset of all things. My fan, and HDD are intact. But the machine’s performance has ground to a near P2 halt. Oh, and did I mention that I run modern software applications??? After a number of tests, and reinstalls of my new Linux distribution to no avail. I think I have to “acquire” a new modern system. Unfortunately I have about $100 in my account. So a purchase is out of the question, even off a self-constructed rig. Without the 3D graphics card. Right now I have borrowed my Dad’s laptop. Windows 2000 sucks, and getting the whole system to my liking is a pain in the… neck!

I finally left Gentoo after 1.5 years of continuous usage. I realized that I spend more time configuring my system and hacking then doing school work, house work or even hobbies. Also I don’t have the time or the patience of building a distribution. So hence, enter Ubuntu, or more specifically Kubuntu. The system looks nice, the installation is easy (for a non-RPM system), and is hacker-friendly. I am looking forward to using it, along with setting it up. I hear there a huge variety of packages. So we shall see… I still think Gentoo Linux is the best out of all them. The most flexible, configurable and the nicest package manager. I just don’t have time to do that anymore, besides my configurations often turn out disastrous. And the package release is too fast. But the community is the best I have seen anywhere on the web. Kudos to the Gentoo developers, maintainers, and community for making those 1.5 years the most colourful, exciting and informative years in my Linux experience. However I think I will be more use to you and the OSS community as whole, as a developer. Thanks guys!

I seem to have lost my edge in programming and computer science. I remember being the second best in high school. Some of that elitism continued into university with being a Linux fan, and project manager of my own pet open source projects. Nowadays looking at my mark, and me being in the lower part of the class marks, I feel rather mediocre. In fact if it were not the valiant and determined work on my partner and friend, Daniel D’Alimonte, I would be doing worse. I know that this third year, and that I am in the top elite of CS. However when I am surrounded by such brilliant and talented individuals, a half-talent enthausist looks rather like a drone. Sure from the perspective of a high school student I may seem like a demigod. But I feel puny in my current surroundings. My midterms place me where I am supposed to be. Sorta sucks to finally meet your limit.

Now for more of my unhappiness rant. Dude, I feel so sucky. I am terrible at educational pursuits, as seen above. I don’t excel in art, or any of the other humanities. Social interactions are almost non-existent. Heck even my friend (you seems most unlikely) Rudy as a girlfriend. And supposedly a hot, cute, and almost-“perfect” one at that. I even tried asking out Kat again recently, to go out and do something. She was unfortunately busy with moving. I am not a great worker, in a rule-filled environment I seem out of place, I carry my memory in my PDA (which curiously lost its own… a lot of its own), bad organizational skills, and I can say the say thing about almost anything. I feel most uninspired, and not compelled to work at anything… since I am sooo sucky.

Sigh… I wonder why I even try sometimes. Well I got bored yesterday… and since my crap-box was hogging my wireless card, I did not get ANY school work done. Instead I managed to compose a shorty ditty in Fruity Loops… I hope to use it in my game project for Visual Computing. It will be on my school website, Gluppy Intro.

Well I have to get going. I have a lot to do… OH AND PLEASE WRITE COMMENTS. Most of the time I feel very lonely, it would be nice to know that I am not alone all of the time.

A Quick Glance of Recent Events

A number of things have happened that I have neglected to mention. So here is a quick rundown:

My brother has been away at scout camp for the past 3 weeks. While he did have fun there, he also had to endure some ridiculous conditions, and messed-up leaders. I in his shoes would of bailed out as soon as I could, or protest violently. But he stuck it out. I can’t figure out why, especially since he ate very little (cause the hair-brained cooks couldn’t and wouldn’t serve his special diet foods, even thought everything was prepared in advance) and slept in awful tents, etc. Anyways he is back, and he hopes to go back there next year…

Another thing was an accident at work I had. I cut my elbow with my utility knife in an ugly fashion, and had to get stitches. Not fun. Especially not the tetanus booster shot I got. The nurse jabbed me so hard, that my shoulder and upper left arm were sore for the next three days.

Dmitri moved to a new house, so now walking to his house is no longer an option. Ewa decided to go on vacation to New York with her boyfriend, Lucas. Yes I am jealous. Domenic is off to Michigan to attend one of his college friend’s weddings. Katka is somewhere in Slovenia. Still. Rudy is working and taking a few courses. Lucky bastard. Oh and Mike Hart when not working with me at CKF, he is out partying the living daylights out of… whatever it is. And me. Well I am blogging. So that means I am home, deluded and the highlights of my day being time in front of the computer. Pathetic.

Anyways, I also went with my folks for a walk in the woods today. Mom enjoyed it. So did my brother. Me and my Dad tested positive for mosquito affinity… and counted 45 bites each… wished we stayed home. Now I am covered in red little itchy bumps. Its a Canadian thing.

Good news is that I am caught up with my blogs. So I will try to be from now on up-to-date in that section. And I filled out my OSAP application. Finally. Oh and I got sound working in Quake 3 under Linux. Yes!!! Not to mention, yesterday I kicked Rudy’s sorry ass in a round of Legends. Hehe… got you at last. 🙂

Emptiness

Another day at work. Sweat. Tiring work. Exhaustion. My only relief are the paycheck and that my normally temperamental machine functioned well, nay, flawlessly. Almost no sleep takes its toll. Damn hot humid weather.

Met a few new students… actually, they attended the same high school as me. Managed to talk to Kat from work. She seems nice enough… but I am not in the mood. Not interested in girls nowadays… nope… I think I’ll bury myself in my personal projects for awhile.

Started reading Creation Rediscovered, after a long hiatus. Figured might as well let God into my life. Can’t hurt. Might as well give Him a chance.

Great news! Finally paid off my university debt. Now I owe no one (except OSAP) anything. Have to save up for next year…

My 22nd birthday is coming up. I feel old and worn. Nothing cheers me up anymore… sigh…

Going to sleep in the basement now… maybe I will get some rest tonight. So tired.

Note: No luck. Prefer a soft bed with a soft, ambient light in warm room to a hard cot in the middle of a cool, dark basement.

Return of the Blogging Machine

Well I am back… Sorry for the absence, just that things have been abit hectic recently. Life is returning to normality as I get settled into my work schedule. Most of the time I am either plagued by sheer exhaustion or scrambling for time. This adjustment along with the slow, sinking realization of who I am and what I want to be. Everything is slowly snapping into place, painfully. Including my relationship with Kat. I just have to adjust to this slow, excruciating ballet. Make that a ballet on razor sharp needles in a heavy rainstorm.

Anyway, I am holding myself pretty well. I wish I could say the same with my Palm. Apparently Documents to Go refuses to see my work on the expansion card. *chuckles* My Palm causes a bit of discussion at work. People think I use it for gaming… I tried once unsuccessfully emulating SNES and GB games. I guess I have to write up some of my own.

Got up late but I hit the ground running so to speak. Did laundry, lunch and dinner. Also I managed to update Neophyte (my family’s main computer) at the cost of not doing gardening. Mom was naturally thrilled… Anyways tonight is the beginning of this month’s Nocturnal Trio of Hell. Wonder if I will survive Sunday night.

First Night of Work

Well, so it has begun. Shift work. Not very impressed but a bit more enthusiastic then last year. Actually I feel a bit tired now but was because of the day being busy.

So lets recount what I have done. Washed some dishes, vacuumed the house, mopped the kitchen and bathroom, and placed the garbage and recycling on the curb. Right after breakfast (which I had made) I adorned the kitchen table with some freshly cut tulips from the garden.

By that time it was 13:00 and I felt worn out already. But I persevered and made lunch, a herbal hand-soak for Mom and printed out the legal statement (which I had finally completed a while ago). To top it all I hung out the laundry.

A mad scramble to get ready for work ensued. I just managed to be there on time. And more or less ready. Now that I am here, I have to undergo a bit of training for the new safety procedures that have been put into place recently. Yay… So exciting.

The only highlight of the day is meeting nice girl at work today. And guess what her name is Katherine. Don’t worry Katerina, your still the most important for me. And I really do miss you.

Two Rocks + Three Branches = Wet Shoes

A glorious Sunday, and a Happy Mothers Day to all you Moms out there!  Anotherday in that recent string of warm weather we started having here in Brampton.Feels like summer is around the corner… or actually already here.

As an aside, my mother’s laywer told me to write/chronicle all the things I did on a daily basis.  Since this is Mother’s Day, and already have had allthe nagging I can stomach for this month… I devote this flimsy paragraph to that subject.  You can comfortably skip this.  Unless you have a secret fetish for house chores. 😉  Anyhow, did the standard routine of washing dishes for each meal and keeping the house immaculately clean.  Dad did breakfast, which makes me so happy, one less thing to do… I am lazy by nature.  Make that extremely lazy.  Uh.  And I washed the car.  Because my Dad was driving ME crazy with it.  And it has been two years already.  And I am lazy (Did I mention that already?).  And dust didn’t accumulate more than two millimetres on the sides, so it never had chance to peel off by itself (strong belief in that after the dirt is two centimetres it auto-cleans itself via gravity).  And hang out some laundry.  That is it.  Oh and I blogged.  But that doesn’t count does it…

Talking about legalizee… I have started to edit it.  I have done many editing session in my short (or old is your age is < 21) life.  Never was it so slow or painful.  It is about as exciting as a slugging match with a wall.A brick wall.  Standing toe to toe.  Or should it be toe to wall?  Anyways…this is almost as bad as a reading Vogon poetry.  Almost.  Without the internal neural hemorrhaging…  No I can’t spell… Tragic.

Finally summoned the courage to call Kat.  No I am not nervous when talking togirls.  Well maybe.  And only if I like the person a fair bit.  OK, like alot.  I was thinking that she would be tired or irritating at me bugging herso often.  But no.  She seemed to enjoy hearing from me.  So naturally, I amwalking on air ever since.  Thanks Kat!

Unfortunately (for me), Kat was celebrating Mother’s Day with her Mom and sister… so no walk.  So instead I pulled Dima out for a walk.  Maybe I should of gone with me parents instead.  😉  Anyways, so first of all we go for the long route… to the end of the park.  Which is fine, but on the way back Dmitri was getting tired of plain old paved walkway.  Actually it was notgood enough for him.  And he saw three rocks in the Etobicoke river/creek, and dared me to jump across…  *sigh*  And I thought I had grown out of the peer-pressure influenced age…  Anyhow after a hop, skip and jump, we found ourselves in the unkempt meadow on the other side.  Being too lazy to retrace our steps… and being too chicken to attempt jumping back across… we set off on a wilderness trek.  Or the Great Adventure.

Dima directed me to write this like some sort of great epic.

So, the two brave, and fearless explorers set off through the tangled mess of grassland.  Each step of the way, beset by strangely lumpy, lumps of grass that made walking similar to that of walking on perilous jelly.  As they trekked across the grassland in the baking sun, the river curved in front of them.  But that didn’t stop them.  No… the intrepid pair devised an ingenious (Dorian quotes “There is no way I am going to cross on that!!!”)bridge spanning a fearsome (small but wet) rapid.  Dmitri crossed first, but in the process almost wrecked the bridge.  His companion, Dorian attempted to fix the damage but the current was too swift… at last he attempted to cross it.  But fell off!!!  Fortunately Dorian managed to save himself (and keep mostly dry except for the left foot).

*pics*

After the incident, the two continued their journey through the wilderness.They encountered more grassland, and then an immense jungle (tangled undergrowth).  Dima came out unscathed while Dorian got stuck a few times on thorns (man-eating thorn bush… ;-)).   When they tore through the jungle (Dima kept on muttering about wishing to have a machete), they were greeted with the sight of two rare waterfowl (Canadian geese).  The pair continued to tear their way through forest and wilderness and plain.  Until they finally reached a grassy hill (with trees), and so a lowly (paved) trail.  They descended down back into civilization.

*pics*

And Dorian went home with a wet sneaker.  *cry*  But we did see a garter snakeon the way back.

*pics*

Anyhow my day ended more or less after that.  Ate dinner (a restaraunt boughtpita with sovlaki, my favorite, yum!), and then started to edit the tortourousdocument.  And then fell asleep.