Monthly Archives: April 2009

Sleepless Night

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I really ought to go to sleep now.  My bosses will hate me for dragging myself into work zombie style.  But I can’t help it.  I plan on getting a few things done before I get up… or rather before I go to sleep.  Or even more accurate before the time I want to get up to make it to the bus to start my morning commute.

So what exactly do I have in mind?  Well maybe a few odd tasks, preparing for work tomorrow, even maybe some writing.  The tiredness is not really helping me to think straight.  But it does let me focus on a single task at a time.

Funny, now that one of my friends reminded me… I’ve worked in my current position at VisionMAX for a year now.  I’m still sane.  I still hold my job.  I get to work on a real project with a serious client.  People appreciate my input and my work.  Professionally I have grown.  Now if only I could smile everytime I want to complain about work.  It really is not that bad.

In general life continues in its plodding, ordinary way.  Two steps forward, one step back.  But still it is progress…

Anyways I really should get on with my other stuff.  I just wanted to update this blog for the upcoming day.

Introducing “The Keeper of the Serenity”

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After a good days of worship, work and yard work, I managed to snag a few minutes to sit down and type.  Typing by itself should never be considered an enjoyable experience.  However when typing involves sitting out on the deck with your laptop (running an illicit version of Kubuntu), that activity becomes fun.  And even more when you are typing, nah, conceiving a novel.

After so much internal debate and arguing, I finally think I have an idea distilled into novel form.  Yes, the novel still exists in a science fiction realm.  I am a child of the future, and I feel most comfortable there.  However I refused to give into the temptation of using magical devices.  I am tired of authors, playwrights and screenwriters playing willy-nilly with the fabric of space-time.  It seems wrong to tear gapping wounds in the universe, just to get to exotic places faster.  It has as much finanesse as a bullet entering a body has finanesse.  There is not such thing as clean shot.  Blood, muscle, bone, nerve and tissue get twisted, minced, torn assunder and pulverised whenever hypersonic projectile meets human body.  The same goes for all those other magical elements.  Interdimensional portals, grey goo, biomechanical virii, aliens, et cetra.  If an author goes down that road, why not throw in a wizard, a merry band of trolls and a dragon called Puffy?  It is all fantasy anyways.

On the other hand, I like to drege up uncomfortable issues.  I am rebel.  But setting things in a pure post-apocalyptic world seemed a bit much.  Especially nuking Toronto seemed too much.  After dining out and having so much fun downtown… I decided nuking downtown Toronto felt wrong.  So I decided to devastate some poor future city on Mars.  In fact Mars in the near future seems like the best backdrop for many of my ideas.  I can develop my own old ideas into this setting.  And I can also use real (or feasible) technology, politics, and social settings, without touching too many raw nerves.  I can’t please everyone but I try not offend too many.  I prefer not to make enemies in the process of my writing.  Overall I like the backdrop/universe, it has potential for this novel and other similar projects.

Also some of my friends will probably end up in some form of characters in the novel.  It is almost unavoidable to do so, or at least to base characters on people you know.  Exactly who, where and in what role I will see.  And as promised certain names shall be dropped.  Now all I need to do is to write it in its entirety.  Fortunately the novel consists of ideas and elements distilled and refined of over a decade of daydreaming and writing attempts.  This time I will write the novel and not just attempt to write it.

Oh, and the working title: The Keeper of the Serenity.  Apologies to all you Firefly fans out there, but I want to call the protagonist’s starship the Serenity.

Echo: Good Little Girl Syndrome

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In response to Marika’s post:

Hmm… ok my opinion might not be the most popular but since you asked.

Women are women. Men are men. They are built differently, so why shouldn’t they act, interact and work differently? I’m not endorsing sexist division of any form here. I firmly believe that every individual should be treated with respect and dignity. Note, EVERY individual, no exceptions, no compromises.

What many feminist ask women to do is to throw away their feminine attributes and embrace masculinity. Then what do you have, a man living inside a women’s body? If that sounds wrong, then it should. Cause it is. There is nothing wrong with the feminine/motherly attributes of caring and nurturing. Men really suck at this. We are better aggressive pursuits, endurance, etc.  And that is good too. As a race, we need a balance of attributes to make sure we survive in the face of changing conditions.

As for your question for women in business… If you ever read Guy Kawasaki’s The Art of the Start, he devotes a note specialled aimed at men wanted to start their own business. He writes, that if you are a guy and you come up with a business plan you should discuss with a women. You see society in general frowns on men’s urge to kill stuff. Except in terms of business. Tell a guy, this new business will kill Google or Ford or Motorola or <insert name of successful business here>, and he’ll say it is a good idea. But that is not the point of business. The point of business is to provide a product or service that someone values enough to they want to give up a portion of their earnings to get said product or service. So bringing your idea to a woman will get that insight, whether your idea is a sane business plan.

A woman’s contributions thanks to her feminine attributes doesn’t end there. Want someone to manage the day to day and juggle tasks effectively? Sorry, but not a gent’s strong point. Want someone to nurture good relationships with a client as a person and not as the next “kill”? Thats right, ladies you are better at that. Want someone to point out that your product is going to be used by a person? You get the idea. Women do bring a lot to the table in business. An enlightened businessman (whether the person is a man or a woman is irrevlant, I just hate using politically correct wording) will recognize this, and engage with working with men and women according to their individual skills, talents and attributes.

Now I understand the concern, that higher up men usually dominate. But it is also a very competitive and aggressive environment up there in the CXO world. Most women would not want to engage in overtly aggressive activities. But CXOs have to get out there and compete hard with others. Those are simply the attributes of the job. And hence the illusion of a glass ceiling for women in business forms in people’s heads. The uncomfortable truth is that most guys don’t mind if a women does work in CXO positions. In fact, they look up to those ladies who can tolerate the aggressive driving nature of upper level business. The other uncomfortable truth is most women dislike or operate worse in these kinds of environments.  Not to say that no woman should be a CXO. Some thrive in this environment and good for them! Every individual needs to be considered on a case-by-case basis. But in general, there are fewer women in CXO positions. Also there are many stories about women getting to the upper levels, and then realizing that kind of work didn’t suit them.

So it is not that women can not be successful in business. It is justsuccess must be measured not only in terms of salary and paid benefits. Success comes when a person feels like they are fulfilled in life. When a person feels whole and everything is in balance, that is success. Repressing your nature just for a higher position is not a sign of success. It is a rather an admission of failure to accepting oneself. That is why I think that your coworker’s thoughts are downright derogatory and demeaning. It does the opposite of its intent. It looks down at feminine nature as weaker than masculine. And is a blantant lie. Feminine nature is different than masculine nature. Different not worse or better.

An Empty Day

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I’ve been waiting for one of these days for a long time. This is the kind of day, where you ask. “So what should I do?”  And the world answers, “Whatever you’d like.”  I plan on calling such days “empty days”.

An empty day is not really empty.  Rather these days act just like the “empty” objects in Strugatsky’s book, the Roadside Picnic. An empty in the book simply consisted of two metallic cones stuck by their bases.  But their bases weren’t actually connected. Rather an empty bit of space remained inbetween. No matter what was done to an empty, you couldn’t separate the cones or push them together. The book starts when the protagonist takes a scientist to retrieve a “full empty”.  An empty with something inbetween the two cones.

So today is much like an empty. Yesterday and tomorrow firmly cling to today. But since no activity defines or guides my actions today, today is empty. And I plan on making it a full day. I plan on doing this mostly by picking at little tasks here and there. Improving my lot in life, progressing forward. That sort of stuff. I wonder if more of my days could be like this. Or they all like this, and I just notice this once in a while. Hmm…

Coping with Disappointment

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Disappointments turn up everyday. Sometimes it can be personal like a lost love, a deathly sick relative, a bad business decision or any kind of personal loss. If you run out personal worries, the newspaper will happily provide more: war, crime, job losses, a bad economy, overzealous governments, et cetera ad nauseum. At times it can seem overwhelming.

Disappointments and worries form a good chunk of our days. And yet life goes on. We can not just give up, curl up in a ball and beg for sweet, sweet death. How else could improve our lot in life, ourselves and care for our loved ones? We simply must cope.

I do not claim to be any kind of expert in dealing with these issues. I recommend reading Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, as a good starting point. I can just say what works for me.

Writing works wonders in terms of self-therapy and self-discovery. Guy Allen, my writing professor recommended writing 20 minutes of just sheer writing about everything and nothing. It gets things off your chest. Dale Carnegie also recommends prayer or meditation. This lets you reflect and in the case of prayer ask for help in coping. Finally work and exercise. Work to keep your mind off things, and to help to see yourself as a productive person. Ever wonder why I talk about work and hobbies so often? And exercise keeps you fit, healthy and again lets you live in the moment. Embracing the moment and savouring it, helps one lead a full, happy and prosperous life.

Things That Work, Things That Don’t

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As usual I like to experiment on various hacks to improve myself and enrich my life. Actually recently I have been actively trying to distract my mind from other issues. Along the way I like to record what worked and what didn’t.

Blogging on a touchscreen cellphone works as a compromise of convenience. Writing on a physical keyboard works better. I don’t end up pressing wrong letters and rewriting words. But carrying an IT strains my pocket more. And carrying a phone is far more useful. Besides the IT is still in an unusable state at the moment. Hmm… Another call looks like in order.

Microblogging works less well. It acts more like a distraction, than a useful form of communication such as an instant messenger or social network site. Besides just like Marika I prefer to blog in the long format.
Ok… I’m drawing a blank on what to write next. Oh right, keeping todos on my site works better than on the builtin PIM on the  5800. TaskFreak works really well. All I need is a syncing client for the todo list on my cell. Maybe I should write one as my first Qt project. Hmm…

Additionally, I am striving to incorporate regular exercise into my life. It helps to clear my mind and to keep me fit. In the winter, I used to play indoor volleyball. Nowadays I’ve switched over to taekwondo and soon, soccer. Exercise really does work, so long as it is packaged in the fun form of a sport.

Phoneing This One In

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My recent loss of my Nokia N810 Internet Tablet has meant I need to resort to more exotic devices for offline blogging. At the moment I’m traveling on the bus (or standing at a bus stop), chilling to music and blogging/writing on my Nokia 5800 cellphone. So tapping on a touchscreen feels more etheral than tactile than on a slide-out keyboard. But if you don’t have what you like, you like what you have.

Also on a N810 I could use a blogging application and publish directly to my website. On the 5800, I need to take the extra step  of uploading to a computer, copy and paste and then post the entry. If I need to suffer for my art to get a daily post, I’m willing to suffer cold fingers and confusing workflows.

And I just got news that the N810 is back!  Note to self, when the phone rings and you are getting on the bus… Figure out your priorities. Hint show ticket first. Also learn to use the headset, it looks less awkward.  And noone wants to hear your Pink Floyd tracks. 🙂

Image Tinkering

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I planned to do some writing this weekend.  However that fell through.  Instead I looked my blog and my profiles on various sites.  I noticed that I projected a different image then I wanted to.  I wanted to look like a young working professional who enjoys his work, loves to work on his various hobbies and still be rather fun.  And I wanted to look like someone of my age.  I mean I like the fact that I look younger than I really am.  But some of my profiles don’t carry the same look and feel I wanted.  So I started tinkering my image, both online and offline.

One of the first things that will change is the blog’s appearance.  I thought of a title that would capture the sense of what I want to project.  In the past I called my blog on Blogger: Mlaren Dreams (a mlaren being a fictional hovercraft racing vehicle, inspired by FZero) and The Open Source Gamer.  Once I moved to a self-hosted WordPress installation, the name changed to Transmissions from High-Earth Orbit (a nod to my philosophy of looking at life from the perspective of someone in orbit above the Earth).  Then about the time I met Caroline and S., I renamed it to The Art of Being Dorian.  That last name made the blog more personal but it still felt too self-centred for my liking. Yesterday I kicked around a number of different ideas for names.  Today I changed the name of my blog.

So I present to you the new title: A Hacker’s Journal in the Cloud: Dorian Journals His Attempts at Hacking, Writing, Gaming and Living.  The name aludes to my hacking of computers and reality.  Hacking as in exploring and playfully using knowledge to my benefit.  The cloud beind the Internet cloud where this blog resides.  The rest of the title is self-explanatory.  And yes the title nods to the 19th century style of short titles and long elaborate subtitles.

My next goal is foist a new theme for the blog.  I wouldn’t mind creating a theme myself.  But if someone already made something I like I’ll use that instead.

Good Friday

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Today is Good Friday.  So while a statuary holiday in Canada, I’m not on holiday today.  Rather I have much to do, so I’ll keep this post short.

I wish everyone a great Good Friday and a happy Easter.  A reminder that God loved you so much He sent His only Son to die (in a particularly painful way too) and to rise again.  All this so that we could be saved.  I’m so glad He did so for all of us.

And if you don’t believe that, I wish a relaxing long weekend.  I’ll try to relax after I finish my long list of things to do now.  Maybe I’ll treat everyone with some of my writing, if I have the time.

Also happy birthday to you S.  I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Patience and the Art of the Tortoise

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Observing nature teaches us many things.  This week I look towards the stone tortoise for inspiration.

On my last trip to Poland, one of my mother’s university friends gave me a farewell gift.  She gave me a tiny red stone tortoise statue, to keep on my desk and to inspire me.  She said it should inspire me, to slow down and take life without worrying about what to do next.  Be slow, consistent but persistent.  That ancient wise man, Aesop, spoke of how the tortoise and not the hare won the race.  Things would work out in the end, she said.

Be slow, consistent but persistent.  Haste caused and still causes much pain and turmoil in my life.  Taking life slow is a tall order for someone like me.  I ran before I walked.  I climbed before I knew how to sit.  Little wonder that my ambitions and quick reactions caused more grief than slow, quiet and patient actions.  I try to be patient.  But ambition gets the better of me.  I want to write the perfect novel, now!  I want to excel in programming, now!  I want to change the world for better, and I want to change it now.  I want it all.  And I’d like it now.  A foolish notion, but tell that to a hotheaded fool such as myself.  Patience.  With patience, all good things will come in their good time when all is ready.  I just need to learn to be far more patient than I am now.

The stone tortoise I keep either on my desk or in a desk drawer.  I plan to keep it beside the glass inkshuk statue, a symbol of the human interdependence.  Just to remind me, to slow down my hectic pace.  Time resolves many issues.  Time clears up many uncertainties.  Time heals hurts that no doctor could hope to heal.  So I enarmour myself in patience and wait.  Let time pass.  Let things come to pass.   All will be clear, simple and good in good time.