I can’t sleep.  After some initial attempts to fall back asleep, including pushups… I just gave up and started surfing the web.  Updated my Facebook account and read all of my RSS feeds.  Still can not sleep, too much on my mind.  Why is trying to do the right thing so difficult?  Why is trying to live a full, happy and prosperous life so tiring and trying?  I don’t know.  If life is a garden, why are there days I feel more like a man with firebrand and a machete than a gardener?  Again, I don’t know.

I just can’t sleep.  So I am updating my blog.  Then a bit more passive surfing, and maybe some novel writing.  Once 6:25 comes around, I’ll stop pretending to sleep and I’ll get ready for work.  I should have enough time to change my look from Ugh the caveman to Dorian the professional software consultant.  Still not sure what novel I want to actually write.  But I think that instead of brooding over it, I’ll just write it and deal with this child of my mind somehow.  Or rather I know what to write, I just lost a character and the book is not perfect in my mind.  I plan to slay this worm called Perfection and just get on with the job of writing.

I finished reading Mary Beth Bonacci’s Real Love.  A fantastic read and quite an eyeopener at least for myself.  I finally know what my issues are, and what I really need.  One thing is for sure, all those other dating books (a.k.a. seduction manuals) are useless.  Attraction is subjective, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and true love comes from God.  Real love comes from respecting others and living God’s teachings in relationships.  It will be a hard and long road ahead.  But at least I have no more doubts about is the right thing to do.  I know what to do, now I just have to do it.  Self-improvement is a lifestyle, just not an easy one at that.

I’m off now to deal with a few online issues.  Then a bit of furious writing shall follow.  After that I’ll get up and pretend to live a normal life.  As I look around me, I think that everyone else seems to do.