Golden rays of sunlight pour into the office. The yellowish light illuminates the grey, black and beige of the office in light patches. The rest of the office remains in the dark. Only the sound of the noisy ventilation system and the mechanical rebound of the laptop keys greet my ears. I sit and type. The morning already light up the parking and park outdoors. But like the few cars on the empty parking lot, my thoughts are few.
I sit and I type. I write down every fleeting idea on this digital tablet. I hope that some spark of an idea will form. I hope that I’ll wake up sometime. The fog in my mind refuses to clear. It dissipates slowly with every character and word that appears on the screen. An excruciating glacial process it remains. However I would not enjoy any other way of awaken, other than writing. Already I feel the mental machinery groaning and moaning. Each thought warms the tired mind. Each thought like a spark ignites the weary imagination.
A quick glance on my carefully scribbled todo lists bound by paperclip and unbound in breadth, reveals how much the day holds work for me. So as the morning light filters into the silent office building, I take up my craft, my burden and my joy.
For lack of a better use of time before work starts, I am blogging. Or rather I am trying to wake up and be alert for the day ahead. Coffee helped revive some of dead nerves. Writing hopefully will get me thinking in a coherent fashion. I have to do this because I have a full day ahead of me.
I’ve reading a lot lately. A good amount of my reading now comes from self-help books. I’ve done a lot of digging into my own life and character. Trying to enhance the parts I and others like. Also trying to change the parts cause discord, trouble and pain. Now that I know that S. will most likely move on, I have to work on myself. So that the next time I meet someone special like S., I’ll be ready for them. This not to say that I can get just move on and feel nothing. Rather I’m getting the impression that I’m being gently nudged in that direction. Reading said books and applying them to my life is not quite all that fun. While I don’t mind challenging myself, I do mind digging around for problems, prancing them out into the light and slaying them. It feels a lot like setting your own bones without anaesthetic. But has to be done. I have a long way to go before I can be truly satisfied with myself.
Looking forward at today, I feel like I’m starting up on a long climb. Today I feel like I will climb a Mount Kilimanjaro of tasks. I feel tired already, but I feel ready to make the long trek. I could iterate my work today to you. In the end I will just be pushing forward on all fronts.