Lets play a little game that I know call “Regret and Rejoice”. I regret not posting an update yesterday to my blog. I rejoice that this morning my mind thought cloudy and numb, is alert enough to come up with a post. I regret staying up so late, cause my mind is foggy now. Yet I rejoice since I overslept yesterday evening and still managed to perform most of the tasks I sat out for myself. Still, I regret not coming up with saner sleep/wake schedules that would avoid my crashing and sleeping at strange times. I should rejoice since I probably won’t have to think too much and maybe can reset my errant schedule today.
I regret that the first two pieces of news I heard of today is that of the anniversary of Tiananmen Square and the finding of debris of the recently disappeared jetliner. I rejoice that the Chinese enjoy more freedom today than before. I regret that the Chinese government still does evil to its society. I rejoice that in the West, we can talk freely about and remember the massacre. I regret that in China, no one seems to remember or care. I rejoice that parts of the plane were found in the ocean today. I regret that this story happened, I’d rather hear no such story and have all the parts of the plane and its passenger landed safely in their intended destination.
I rejoice that I can end this silly post now, and now will finally catch up on work yet not done.
I just read Marika’s blog on hunger. And I felt compelled to blog something in return. But today I draw a blank. Yesterday drained the life and will out of me. Not complaining, since it was all my invention and doing. Still the fact remains, I feel drained and without will. And life feels greyer than it did before.
Today will be another cold snowy day. Spring came by smiled and then winter came back with a vengence. My limbs are still cold from standing outside for the bus. I can now appreciate those early morning commutes, in a warm car. Yes I got into the office really early. But I miss the car now, and I didn’t appreciate it when it is no longer there.
Funny how people (at least I think) don’t notice those good things and good people, until you sense their absence. We miss the light when it is dark. The warm when it is cold. Food when hunger strikes. A comforting voice when there is none. Yet when all is well, one can take things for granted. Obviously not all people think like that, some are enlightened enough to know and not have to experience.
I should get back to bed and pretend to sleep. After my pretend sleep, I will pretend to get up and live as a normal person. You know the routine, get up, eat breakfast, wash up, dress, commute to work, work, return home, rest or work at home, sleep. I’ll pretend to smile and be happy. For the sake of the illusion of normality. No one really like things out of the ordinary. No wants to deal with the uncomfortable and inconvenient. So one pretends it is not there. If you are talented, you can pretend that you are alive and awake. But you are just sleepwalking.
Today is an exercise in futility. Just another sleepwalking existence, followed by bouts of regret and insomnia.
[This post is modern art in writing form. It was not supposed to make sense.]