Before I Lay Down My Pen and My Head

Things are going fairly smoothly for the trip.  Not yet at the point at where I can say I’m packed and ready.  And there remains a good chunk of work to do.  However plans are proceeding forward.

While I look forward to my trip, lately I’ve felt like my self-esteem has taken quite a beating.  I don’t know if this signals a slow but steady burnout.  Or rather realization and acceptance of my current position and circumstances in life.  I’m a bit disappointed.  I still feel I’m far from where I want to be in the near future.  And reality seems to close more doors than open them.  If some potential opportunity opens, it feels more like a tease than an opportunity.  Realistically, I feel I’ve exhausted all the straightforward options without compromising or risking my future on some future high-risk scheme.  This realization is quite unnerving.  I’m not sure what else I can do, aside from doing what I already am.  I’ve never enjoyed the prospect of casting the dice and hoping for the best.  This is fine in a game.  In life not so much, since for action there are far reaching consequences.  In life, a sane logical strategy needs to be in place.  Still I can’t see how I can achieve my end-goals, circumstances being as they are.  I find solace in my writing, and little else.

I’m still going to blog on highly irregular basis, definitely until after my trip.  Or most likely after I finish writing the rough draft of the novel.  My novel feels like the only meaningful contribution I can make at the moment.  Everything else depends on external factors, beyond my control.

Coping with Disappointment

Disappointments turn up everyday. Sometimes it can be personal like a lost love, a deathly sick relative, a bad business decision or any kind of personal loss. If you run out personal worries, the newspaper will happily provide more: war, crime, job losses, a bad economy, overzealous governments, et cetera ad nauseum. At times it can seem overwhelming.

Disappointments and worries form a good chunk of our days. And yet life goes on. We can not just give up, curl up in a ball and beg for sweet, sweet death. How else could improve our lot in life, ourselves and care for our loved ones? We simply must cope.

I do not claim to be any kind of expert in dealing with these issues. I recommend reading Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, as a good starting point. I can just say what works for me.

Writing works wonders in terms of self-therapy and self-discovery. Guy Allen, my writing professor recommended writing 20 minutes of just sheer writing about everything and nothing. It gets things off your chest. Dale Carnegie also recommends prayer or meditation. This lets you reflect and in the case of prayer ask for help in coping. Finally work and exercise. Work to keep your mind off things, and to help to see yourself as a productive person. Ever wonder why I talk about work and hobbies so often? And exercise keeps you fit, healthy and again lets you live in the moment. Embracing the moment and savouring it, helps one lead a full, happy and prosperous life.