It is Friday. Feeling tired from the irregular sleep cycles of this past week. I didn’t move forward as fast I wanted to this week. I’ve felt distracted, tired and could not focus. Still the minutae of this week didn’t tie me down. Thanks to a friend my Polish writing improved in leaps and bounds this week. No regrets this week, and many things moved forward. And thanks to the same friend, I can see a positive glimmer of hope in my future. I plan on focusing on making my schedule sane again, and living a fairly active but normal life. No updates on the writing past a few notes, and ideas. No code updates either, aside from a steady tinkering with the justCheckers website. Enjoying using the new Firefox 3.5. It feels so much sleeker than before. Oh and thanks to the fine folks at Fido for having simple and sane contracts. Guess whose service is gonna get recommended to friends?
This week I realized:
- How little I really know about the important stuff: like faith. There are so many knowledge to be gained in fields related to this. (Thanks Marika for pointing that out to me with your questions.)
- Hold on and act upon your ideals. You can not please everyone. But you will please the people who share your ideals and goals. And you will gain respect from others for having the audacity to not cower or hand-wring when your ideals are questioned.
- Love will find you some day. It doesn’t come in convenient times or locations. But wait and hold out for the best stuff. (But have I? Maybe or maybe not.)
- Continued steady accumulation of something doesn’t mean it will accumlate in a linear fashion.
- You must be in touch with both reality but also with ideas that define you.
- The tortoise was right. Working on anything in a steady continual pace achieves much more than quick bursts of anything. (Remember my stone tortoise story?)
- Treasure the time for rest. Adequate acts as a better multiplier of what you get done, than working longer hours. (To the discoverers of coffee beans, coffee and caffeine, thank you for helping those who broke their proper sleep cycles.)
- If you think there is a better way of doing things, there probably is. However the better may not be applicable to your situation for various reasons: lack of resources, restrictions et cetera.
- Let things happen. Don’t be disappointed when they don’t. (Thanks Caroline for that insight.)
Not sleeping slows your reactions considerably. But still I am ready for tomorrow’s work. Needless to say I will need large amounts of coffee to get through the day. Then again this isn’t something I haven’t done in the past. All that remains is a considerable amount of writing I need to finish before I leave for work. Feels like university and crunch time before an assignment again. Still it is ok, since I don’t have to go lectures afterward. Still my sense of logic and rational arguments… might be slightly unbalanced this day. But since no one REALLY wants to know my opinion (unless it is a rehash and agreement of their own), I’ll probably not be called upon making massively decisive decisions.
And I’m not sure this will work, but I’ll give it a shot. Nothing gained from not trying, right?
Dear S. I think you still read my blog often. I’m not sure what to think of your recent disappearence. I have seen no sign of you for a week. Did I do or say or write something to offend you? I am confused. And I miss you a lot. Could you give me a sign or response, telling me if I should contact you? Thanks.
In the meantime I’ll go back to writing while I wait. I’m waiting for something to happen, not sure what. It will all be clear then.
I really ought to go to sleep now. My bosses will hate me for dragging myself into work zombie style. But I can’t help it. I plan on getting a few things done before I get up… or rather before I go to sleep. Or even more accurate before the time I want to get up to make it to the bus to start my morning commute.
So what exactly do I have in mind? Well maybe a few odd tasks, preparing for work tomorrow, even maybe some writing. The tiredness is not really helping me to think straight. But it does let me focus on a single task at a time.
Funny, now that one of my friends reminded me… I’ve worked in my current position at VisionMAX for a year now. I’m still sane. I still hold my job. I get to work on a real project with a serious client. People appreciate my input and my work. Professionally I have grown. Now if only I could smile everytime I want to complain about work. It really is not that bad.
In general life continues in its plodding, ordinary way. Two steps forward, one step back. But still it is progress…
Anyways I really should get on with my other stuff. I just wanted to update this blog for the upcoming day.
Yesterday I realized I need more sleep. Basically living the life of a rockstar: 5 hours sleep and then 1.5-2 hours of a catnaps just doesn’t work for me. Initially I became more productive with more time in my day. But it seems that illness and tiredness caught up with me. And I get irritated, nervous and slothful when I don’t get enough sleep. So I slept A LOT yesterday.
Today I am back to my cheerful, energetic and productive self again. And for the most I caught up with most of the tasks and projects that carried over from last year. There is still work to be done. But nothing worthy to loss sleep over. So a new, New Years resolution: sleep my 7.5 hours a day.
I meet with my good friend Dima today. While the meeting itself, was nothing new, it sort of got me thinking. Maybe my envy speaks here, since he has a nice house, car, girlfriend and finishes school this semester. I have one more semester to slave through. Yes, Sara was there too. What got me thinking, is sometimes I feel mature. Other days, like today I feel like nothing more than a 23 year old immature kid. I don’t know how much of my current life I can attribute to luck, conditions or my inactivity.
Needless to say, I did not meet up with Amanda this weekend. Judging by the number of assignments I have and papers she needs to write, I doubt anything will come of my “dating”. Hardly dating, other than a few casual meetings. No other girl currently holds my attention, or seems interested in the slightest. Its not that I feel today, as I used to in the past. Its just that I feel kind of left out.
I can not sleep right now. Too anxious about my assignments. Another 6 due a week type of deal. I can hardly wait for this semester to end, the final assignment submitted. I understand the material well. I just am un-inclined to write the papers.
Better work a bit, before my brain demands sleep.